Monday, May 16, 2011

Hollywood Haiku: Classic Edition

The good folks over at Best for Film have challenged their fellow movie bloggers to the ultimate haiku challenge.  Okay, perhaps it isn't the ultimate haiku challenge, but it sounds more ominous that way, so ultimate it remains.  Seriously though, there is a haiku contest and as any red-blooded American boy with a deep-seeded need to crush all those around him in victorious mayhem, here are my entries for said ultimate haiku challenge, aka Hollywood Haiku Competition.  
But first, to make it official (boilerplate stuff and all): This is an entry for the Best For Film Hollywood Haiku blogging competition. Enter now.

Citizen Kane
He once had a sled
Fondly remembered Rosebud
Good ole Charlie Kane

Play it again Sam
Was never even said once
But Sam played it still

Double Indemnity
Poor ole Walter Neff
He threw away everything
For Stanwyck's great legs

Modern Times
Sound had come around
But Charlie kept his silence
In these Modern Times

All About Eve
Margot was the star
Eve came and stole it away
Twas a bumpy ride

Singin' in the Rain
Lockwood and Lamont
One was great, the other not
Cosmo made 'em laugh

The Soviets came
Disliked U.S. decadence 
Oh then Garbo laughed

The Wizard of Oz
First to Munchkinland
Then off to see the Wizard
In between, witch dies

The African Queen
Bogie and Hepburn
She's a prude, he drinks a lot
Won him the Oscar

Rio Bravo
Hawksian Western
Dino, Ricky and The Duke
It is what they've got

The above ten haiku will count as my official entry in the contest, but this will not (by a long shot) be my last blog post under the banner of Hollywood Haiku.  This "Classic Edition" will be followed by a "Foreign Edition" and (of course - as anyone who knows me can attest to its placement here) a "Tarantino Edition".   After these initial entries you will see entries with such (obvious) themes as "Film Noir", "Revisionist Western", "Gangster Movies" and "Musicals", as well as more specific themes such as "Star Wars", "Howard Hawks", "Powell & Pressburger" and (of course) more of the "Tarantino Edition".  Basically what I am saying is you will see a lot more of these Hollywood Haiku coming down the line (this will either thrill you or annoy you, depending on your outlook on certain things).  Each edition will consist of ten (or so) haiku and they will (probably) come at a rate of about 2 or 3 per month. 

But before I go, I would like to add two more haiku to this entry.  They are both written by my lovely and talented wife, Jeanette Amy Trout - which pretty much means they are about a billion times better than mine.  If the fine folks over at Best For Film want to accept these as official entries they most certainly can (she deserves poetic accolades much more than I do).  If they do not, then that is their loss.  Whatever the case, here they are.

The Wizard of Oz
Dreamer Dorothy
Gale twists from Kansas to Oz
Unmasks Wizard's scam

Jean-Paul's thumb chafes lip
While watching sweet Jean's hips twitch
Jilts the death of him

The second one (on a film my wife just recently saw for the first time and immediately fell in complete and utter love with) is my favourite.  If only I could write a haiku even a fraction as good as this...but alas.  I want to thank my wife for her contributions (even if they make mine pale in comparison) and welcome her to write as many more as she wants (for the aforementioned future Hollywood Haiku blog posts).  'nuff said.


Unknown said...

They peed on his rug
They're gonna kill that poor woman
Fuckin' amateurs

Kevyn Knox said...

I have never been much of a Lebowski fan (yeah that's right!! I fuckin admit it!!!) but nice addition - especially good use of the last line.

Madgestic said...

My friend came up with a Lebowski haiku so good it made me want to, you know, sip her brain through a straw:

Mess with the Dude's rug? / This is what happens, Larry / This is what happens.

On behalf of, thanks so much for the fab entries from yourself and your super-talented wife. Every time someone enters the competition, a kitten in heaven gets its wings :)

Kevyn Knox said...

Thank you for thanking us. And the only thing better than a dead kitten is a dead flying kitten (that was tongue-in-cheek, I happen to love kittens).

Best For Film said...

The bad news: Sorry. You didn't win.

The good news: Your wife did!

We'll send you an email shortly...