Thursday, December 23, 2010

The Top Ten Reasons Why White Christmas is the Best Freakin' Christmas Movie Ever Made

10) Danny Kaye making a snowy diorama with found items on the club car table as he and the others sing "Snow Snow Snow Snow".

9) Vera-Ellen's miniature waistline that makes her seem like one of the influences for Tim Burton's creepy Mars Attacks! alien women.

8) Mary Wickes blatant audacity at not even hiding the fact that she is opening people's mail and listening in on other people's phone calls.

7) The apparent squad of taxi's waiting in line behind the Florida Club to pick up any passengers that happen to crawl out the dressing room windows.

6) Danny Kaye's bright yellow socks.

5) Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye unable to keep straight faces while doing a semi-drag version of Rosemary Clooney and Vera-Ellen's "Sisters" number. 

4) Rosemary Clooney's ultra-sexy rendition of "Love, You Didn't Do Right By Me." 

3) The strategically placed horse and carriage that gallops by as they open the hotel doors to show everyone the titular white Christmas outside.

2) The overtly sentimental finale that not only brings a tear to my overtly sentimental-minded eye, but also hearkens back to the opening scenes, set during WWII, that make war seem like so much fun.

And the number one reason why White Christmas is the best freakin' Christmas movie ever made:

Bing Freakin' Crosby singing that freakin' title song written by Irving Freakin' Berlin, not once, but twice in the freakin' movie.

 Merry Freakin' X-Mas.

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