Battle Royale #8: Battle of Comic Mayhem (The Results)

It was a shellacking.  A runaway, a landslide if you will.  It was a beating.  It was a bombing.  It was a goddamn slaughter.  Yes ladies and germs, for the first time in Battle Royale history, we have ourselves a definite winner and a definite loser.  No more of these close races and photo finishes.  No more squeak victories or out and out ties.  This was an old fashioned thumping baby.  Much like when Ronald Reagan trounced poor Walter Mondale in the 1984 election, or when readers voted Jason Todd off the proverbial island of Gotham, the Brothers' Marx kicked the Three Stooges collective asses right down Hollywood Blvd. and right up Mulholland Dr..  Battered and bruised, even by typical Stooge standards (it's usually Moe, not someone from outside the family, that does the battering and the bruising) this Battle Royale, our eighth such rodeo, was downright brutal.

To make my rant official, here are the numbers.  The Marx Brothers won, hands down, with a margin of thirty-one votes - and there were only forty-five votes cast.  With a victory of 38 to 7, or, for the more statistically-minded among us, 84% to 16%, Groucho, Harpo, Chico, Zeppo, and even Gummo, who was not in any of the movies but who are we to exclude him, are the victors of the eighth Battle Royale.  Meanwhile, Moe, Larry, Curly, Shemp, Joe and Curly-Joe, are left weeping in the aisles.  I figured this was going to be a Marxist victory from minute one, but I never saw such a shocking disparity coming.  I mean, that was even worse than the thumping Obama gave to that crazy rich white guy last month.  A real old school throwdown.  My one friend, a standing member of the Three Stooges fan club (guess who he voted for), said that cinephiles will always vote Marx over Stooge.  I suppose he was right - in spades.

What really gets my goat though (that's still a saying, right?) is the low overall voter turnout.  With just 45 votes cast in all, this was not one of the better turnouts (66 votes cast in the Kelly/Astaire Hollywood Hoofer bout stands as the record) - and with this rather low voter turnout, my hopes of this becoming some sort of big deal, maybe even getting into triple digits someday, are violently dashed upon the shores of....oh forget it.  You know what I mean, let's get out there and vote vote vote people.  And tell all your friends and enemies to vote vote vote as well.  And when will you get that chance to vote vote vote again, you ask?  Well, I'll tell ya.  In just a few days as Battle Royale #9 is announced right here at this very Bat Channel.  The opponents, you ask?  Well, you'll just have to wait and see on that one.  I can tell this though - it will include some silent cinema royalty for sure. 

Battle Royale #8: Battle of Comic Mayhem

Welcome to the eighth Battle Royale here at The Most Beautiful Fraud in the World.   It is an ongoing series that will pit two classic cinematic greats against each other - and you can vote for who is the greater by  clicking your choice over in the poll at the top of the sidebar.

Hey faithful readers and true believers, Battle Royale has returned with an all new no holds barred fantasy fisticuffs showdown.  This time around, instead of pitting just one against one, as we have in the first seven Battle Royale's, we are going three (or four) on three (or four, five or even six).  This time around, you are asked to choose between the two preeminent comedy teams of classic Hollywood.  Will your love for The Three Stooges win out or will your love for The Marx Brothers claim victory.  It is all up to you.  These are the two most famous (three or more member) comedy teams in classic movie history (sorry Monty Python gang, but we are going classic here and you are a bit too on the new side for such an honour) but these are also two comedy teams that, I believe, have very different fan bases.  While the Marx Brothers were usually more cerebral, the Stooges tended to go more for the gut - though the brothers' Marx had no problem going low either.  I myself have always been more of a Marx guy than a Stooge guy but don't let that influence your decision.  As if.  But I digress.

The Stooges began their career in 1925 as part of a vaudeville act known as Ted Healy and His Stooges.  This original act consisted of brothers Moe and Shemp Howard and fellow comic Larry Fine.  After Shemp's departure in 1932, younger brother Curly joined the group, and in 1934, the three comics broke free of Healy (apparently the relationship had always been rather tempestuous), renamed themselves The Three Stooges, and began a career all of their own.  In 1946, Curly suffered a stroke and Shemp was brought back in to replace him.  This was meant as just a temporary situation but after Curly died in 1950, big brother Shemp stayed on until his own death in 1955.  This brought aboard comic Joe Besser as Shemp's replacement, but this would only last four years before Besser was in turn replaced by Curly-Joe DeRita who stayed with the group until the end in 1971.  That was the year that Larry suffered a stroke.  Fellow comic Emil Sitka was asked to come aboard as a replacement, but these plans never came to fruition.  In 1975 Larry Fine passed away, followed by best friend Moe Howard a few months later.  But the Three Stooges will live in film history forever.

The Marx Brothers meanwhile began their stage career as teenagers way back in 1905.  Eventually all five brothers would be in the act - older brothers Leonard (Chico) and Arthur (Harpo), middle brother Julius (Groucho), and little brothers Milton (Gummo) and, once Gummo left for World War I, Herbert (Zeppo).  Gummo would never rejoin the act (he hated performing) and the other four brothers would move from stage to screen with the film The Cocoanuts in 1929.  Zeppo would only last for five films before he too quit (it's never any fun as the straight man in an act of insanity) and joined his brother Gummo in one of the most successful talent agencies in Hollywood history.  The apocryphal tale of Lana Turner being discovered at the counter of a drug store was hyped to the high hills by her agent Zeppo Marx.  Meanwhile, the remaining three brothers, Groucho, Harpo and Chico, would go on to add to their legendary status until they called it quits as an act after the dismal 1949 film Love Happy.  Groucho always considered their penultimate film, A Night in Casablanca, to be their final film, conveniently erasing the other one from his memory.  Groucho of course, went on to great success on that burgeoning medium known as television.  Chico would pass away in 1961, followed by Harpo in 1964.  Groucho would pass in 1977, with Gummo following a few months later.  Zeppo, the baby, would pass away in 1979.  But, like the Stooges above, The Marx Brothers will live forever in cinematic history.

So the decision is yours oh faithful readers and true believers.  The Three Stooges or The Marx Brothers.  All you need do is go on over to the poll (found conveniently near the top of the sidebar) and vote your collective little hearts out.  And please remember that one must go over to the poll to have one's vote counted.  You can babble away in the comments section all you want (and that is certainly something I encourage, as we never get enough feedback around these parts) but to have your vote count, you must click on your choice in the poll.  And also, please go and tell all your friends to vote as well.  Our biggest voter turnout since starting the Battle Royale series has been just 66 votes.  I know we can get that number to a cool one hundred before it is all said and done and the proverbial smoke does its proverbial clearing.  The voting period will last only until December 1st, so get out there and vote people.